The parenting rummage bin...

I have a good friend that I don't get to talk to a lot who sent me an email today about her son who may or may not fall into the "spectrum" of having sensory disorder issues. He still uses a pacifier at nearly three and she was getting concerned and frustrated by the things people have said to her in public. As I read, my heart started to break for her. She's dealing with so much, and to be confronted by strangers telling her "Get that pacifier out of his mouth!" and "You're being too lazy with him!"....I just really feel for her...even from the perspective of someone who in general really isn't a pacifier fan.

My first instinct was to feel really badly, because I'll admit that when I've seen preschoolers in public with a pacifier, I sometimes have a "that's odd" reaction. (Although I would never in a million years question another mother like that, it's not my place).

She went on to say that it's been so difficult and even with the "for now" pacifier blessing of her son's developmental counselor and pediatrician, she still feels like she has to keep explaining herself to friends, family, and strangers who just don't understand the world of Sensory Disorders.

I stepped back and thought about it. I can think of times as a parent, when I've felt the same way. When others may make a comment about your parenting choices and you feel that you need to defend yourself.. But still you feel like people are judging you and you question the motive of every "oh, you're still breastfeeding?" or "you use cloth WHAT?" And deep down you know that showing the extended rear-facing statistics with child survival rates, or spouting off the World Health Organization's recommended weaning age aren't going to help you. If people don't like it, they don't like it. But still, we as parents start to wonder if we're doing something wrong.

Why do we do this to each other?

I think in terms of how I've viewed other parenting choices that I've questioned, I've definitely grown. I'm by no means perfect, never claimed to be, but I've found myself over the past couple of years being less judgemental. Definitely firm in my parenting choices..and thank God Joanne and I as parental partners, and spouses agree 99% of the time with our parenting decisions. On many issues we didn't even need to discuss, we both just "know". There are many things we resolve to stay firm on, and we do...because they are important to us and the bottom line is, we're the parents. But in being firm about my own choices, also less judgemental of other ways of doing things.

Now, when I see that kid with a pacifier or anything I wouldn't necessarily do myself, I try to say to myself. "Who is it harming?" I don't mean perceived harm, I mean honest to goodness harm. Is the parent happy? Is the child happy? Are they safe? Normally it's adults inflicting predjudice on situations that actually cause the harm...and if it weren't for all this judgement there would be no problem. (That and I've since learned that pacifiers and thumbs don't harm teeth until they start reaching the ages of 5-7 or so.. ;) but that's besides the point )

There are a million different ways to raise children and none of us will ever be able to claim ourselves experts. Why even for a second give that "look" or make that silly comment? Why turn advice into judgement or a curiousity question into an opinion? Shouldn't we all be helping each other raise healthy, wonderful kids? And helping shouldn't mean "Do it my way, because this is the best way". Helping means saying "Hey that's something new. Tell me more about why you do it that way and I'll do my best to support your decisions". We should save the unsolicited advice for the really seriously questionable stuff ("you let your 4 year old drive? On the freeway?")

So to my friend, I'm sorry I used to be the mom who inwardly looked down on preschool pacifiers, and questioned pacifiers in general. I never meant to be that judgemental mom. I now know that you can't ever know a situation unless you ask and you can't ever make assumptions. Next time, If I'm curious about something I'll just ask, with an open heart, and not assuming that my answer is always the right one. There might be a really really good reason why a parent makes a choice that they've made.

And ultimately, if it harms none......what does it matter?

To steal from my other good friend, Jamie, who always leaves at the bottom of her signature on anything: "As it harms none, do what ye will"

We finally have a tooth!

Some time last week, after a couple of very cranky nights (which for Robin could mean anything), he woke in the morning with a tiny, speck of a dot on his lower gum. Joanne said it was a tooth. I thought it was a weird, tiny mouth zit. A few days proved that Joanne was right and now Robin has one gangly fang in the bottom of his mouth. If I can get the bugger to hold still for two seconds, I'll snap a photo. But so far, he's just not having any of that.

Ode to Janet...

.....who seems to read our blog religiously, and also shares with the girls at work.


"Hi" to the girls at Janet's work!


Thanks for helping to make the non-sensical blabber, and relentless picture posting worth it.


Also, if you can ever find that picture of Kaity as a baby that looks so much like Arthur, we'll post it and do another picture comparison. I love that stuff.

I'll leave you with some "Interplanet Janet":

An outfit comparison

I put Robin in a short overall set today because it was so warm outside. It's our first real "put the kids in shorts" day when I didn't question if it would get too cold later. I was watching Robin play and thinking about when Arthur wore the same outfit.



Here's Arthur in the outfit when he was just barely 4 months old.





And here is Robin today in the same outfit. Robin will be 11 months old in a few days.





What a difference!

Photos of the boys...

Happy 3rd Birthday Arthur!