February 27th Post by Alabaster Mom linked here <--
Believe me I get it...
As most of you know, my wife and I have three children. Which means that I have three children. Most of you also know that I was adopted by my father.
It's amazing to me how people in this day and age still skirt around the issue of adoption and non-biological children in general. Of course, no harm is ever meant from innocent questions. But there are definitely times when I just wish others would think a little more.
From people who ask about my "real father". And my answer is always the same..."His name is Joe, he lives with my mom in Salem. He's my real father." Ask me about my biological father if you are curious. But my real father is the man who did the work and earned it. We don't always agree and see eye to eye. But we were meant to be together.
There's innocent medical programs that automatically flood in the number of children you have based on the number of "live births" you report. My recent mammogram had me listing the number of children I had and then the amount of times I had given birth. The receptionist questioned me as if I had made an error. I had completely forgotten about it until I read my mama-friend's post.
Then there's the nurse when Maggie was born who said to me "Well, I'll have to check with her mother...." Are you kidding me?! Wrong thing to say. Just wrong. I'll accept no excuse for that because there isn't a valid one.
And subtler, not even realized things like when people automatically check with me about issues pertaining to Robin and automatically check with Joanne about issues pertaining to Arthur. It's not meant with harm, but it's noticeable.
The one that really gets under my skin is a headline "Nicole Kidman's adopted children." Is that really necessary? They are her children. Do we refer to anyone esle's children as "Gwenyth Paltrow's squeezed through her privates children?"
There are really wonderful things too....when people "get it". Like my former employer throwing me a small party when we were expecting Arthur. Like the fact that we live in a state when we both are automatically on the birth certificate (we never had to adopt our children...it was automatic). Like Arthur's teachers having him make two mother's day cards. Like random strangers telling Joanne how much Robin looks like her.
In support of my very much respected mom-friend and her adorable daughter, in solidarity I'm sharing her post because it touches me in so many ways.
We have three children. They all call us "mom". They are our real children in every way regardless of which child passed through which body. And all any parent of non-biological children asks is that all of their children are treated as any other child of any other parent.
Thanks mama for sharing your very common, and quietly heart twinging story. We get it.